I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
