So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
