I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
