I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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