I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
