I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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