so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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