He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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