i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
