just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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