You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
