so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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