I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize