Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
