i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
