shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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