I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
