I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
