Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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