he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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