i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
