fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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