Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
