I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize