i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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