Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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