He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
