I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Too much gin, very little bucket
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
