I wannas sexs uuuuu
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
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