I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
