Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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