Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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