KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
