she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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