so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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