I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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