The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
