I think I died a long time ago.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize