I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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