You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
