Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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