I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
