if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
