fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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