i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
