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• (989): View more from Michigan

  if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK

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• (310): View more from California

  Where are you???

  (210): View more from Texas

  With some dude on the way to his house to blaze

  (310): View more from California

  You went back to a stranger's house????

  (210): View more from Texas

  He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.

  (310): View more from California

  I love LA.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.

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• (806): View more from Texas

  This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.

  Fav 15 827 3289

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.

  Fav 7 2219 928

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• (561): View more from Florida

  But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain

  Fav 0 696 524

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Are you still free tonight?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid

  Fav 2 1396 651

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.

  Fav 0 898 457

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success

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