By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Found the puke drawer
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
