I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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