We're like a lot better than the average bears
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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