you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
