If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
