Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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