I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
