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a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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