Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
