Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You're like the curious george of whores
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize