Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
