Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
