This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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