Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
