I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize