It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
