I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
