I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
