Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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