In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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