He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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