Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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