My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
