how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Houston, we have a squirter
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
