I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
