I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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