All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
