she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
