The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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